Very few people’s opinion of themselves is based on how they would like to be and their own point of view, because the way most people feel about themselves is based upon how others have made them feel. For example, if a school bully or ex partner has made you feel inadequate, worthless, unintelligent, ugly or fat then this is sadly how you are likely to see yourself.
The Speakmans believe the first step to building self esteem is to look back through your life and consider who may have made you feel bad about yourself. Who was disrespectful to you? Who bullied you? Who made you feel ugly or worthless?
No one is born with or without confidence or with high or low self esteem. Therefore, if you feel bad about yourself this has been learned and it is vital to challenge this learning as it is quite simply not true! If you have ever been loved by anyone, then rest assured this has been earned and this is why any derogatory beliefs are without foundation.
List all the people who have impacted your life negatively and ask yourself questions such as:
- Why do I choose to believe that person?
- Do I respect that person?
- Do I value that person’s opinion?
- What qualifications do they have to judge anyone?
- What life skills do they possess to judge me accurately?
You should also consider why that person may have been unkind to you:
- Did they have a bad childhood?
- Were they bullied?
- Did they come from a violent home?
- Did they feel unloved in childhood?
The process will help you to start demolishing the schema that created your lack of self confidence and self esteem.
(Information taken from The Speakmans tour brochure).